Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
