I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
