see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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