You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize