yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
