I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
