Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Vodka?
Forever.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
