come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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