did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
