Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
