Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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