How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
