fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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