Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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