i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
