Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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