She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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