goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
