well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
