I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
