just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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