did you get engaged???
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
