Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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