Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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