party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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