I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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