We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
