Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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