oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
