Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
