I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
