On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
