You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize