Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
