the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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