Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
