hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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