Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
