Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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