Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
