i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
