He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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