If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
