Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize