i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
