why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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