mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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