This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
