I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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