oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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