the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
