omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
