Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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