why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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