when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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