I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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