Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish you could order shots online.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
