I am midnight drunk by noon
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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