i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Your cock deserves a montage
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
