I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
