Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
