just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
