On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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