"it" just moved
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize