Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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