The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So. Much. Porn.
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