Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
