Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
