I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
