I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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