When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
