I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
